Pastor Alecia's
Weekly Sermon
Sunday, Sept 17, 2023
Matt 18: 21-35
“Forgiveness—Don’t Do the Math”
A pastor was preparing to write a sermon about Love. He started by going to his files where he keeps all his little stories, jokes and famous quotes and searched for the “Love” file. He discovered he didn’t have one! Impossible!, he thought. It must be misfiled! He searched among Faith and Fasting, thumbed thru Healing and Heaven, and found nothing. Maybe it was sandwiched between some others. He looked in back of Kindergarten, and before Missions, but no Love folder.
Then the Holy Spirit sent him a flash of inspiration. Maybe Love wasn’t misfiled at all—maybe it was scattered. Sure enough, as he began to page thru his filing cabinet, he found parts of it filed under Patience, Kindness, Humility, trust, hope, loyalty, and perseverance. But the greatest part of the Love file was squarely planted in the middle of Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is probably the biggest, most complex topic that falls under the heading of Love. Like the word Love, Forgiveness is also a relational word. It implies that the relationship bridges are broken between 2 person, 2 families, or even two nations. It implies that a relationship needs mending.
It’s said that forgiveness is humanity’s deepest need and God’s highest achievement. That statement probably sums up the entire story of the Bible. From the very first book of the Bible, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and the wonderful relationship between God and His creatures was broken. The rest of the Bible deals with humanity’s longing to be reunited with God and the great lengths to which God will go to restore the relationship with humanity thru the death and resurrection of his Son Jesus Christ. God’s restored relationship with humanity is his ultimate concern and goal.
Because we are human, conflict is inevitable. It’s how we deal with it as Christians that sets us apart from the world. In the same way, because we are all individuals with unique desires, thoughts, and wills, we have the potential to hurt each other… sometimes unintentionally… sometimes thru an act of our own will. “Forgiveness” is the word we give to the bridge building that leads toward healing.
In the Gospel passage just before this one, Jesus outlined a process for repairing a broken relationship. No sooner had He finished speaking than Peter asks for clarification. He wants to know the limits of forgiveness; so he starts with the “what if’s”. He says, “Jesus, I hear what you’re saying about seeking restoration and repairing relationships, but what if I am the victim of someone else’s sin time and time again. Some people can just wear you down. How many times should I forgive before I give up, 7 times?????” Peter wants to know if there’s a statute of limitations on forgiveness. How much is enough?
Jesus’ answer is surprising, “Not 7 times, but seventy times seven!” An enormous number. In other words, Jesus is saying, don’t keep score! Don’t do the math! Be generous with forgiveness. Forgive as many times as necessary.
That’s easy to say when we’re talking about the little everyday frictions in our interactions with each other—the clothes left on the bathroom floor, the milk left out of the frig, the forgetting of an appointment—these are the things that are easy to forgive 70x7.
But for the big things—the things that cut us deeply—for the big things, what Jesus is asking is not so easy. Our natural instinct when we are pushed is to shove back. When we are hurt we want to get even—balance the scales of Justice—or at the very least we want to severe contact and have nothing more to do with the person. Being a victim of another’s actions is painful. We feel belittled, disgraced, used, betrayed, discounted, and violated. And yet Jesus tells us to work on restoring the relationship. Rebuild the bridge.
I once read a book written by a married couple. It was a journal of their years of marriage. They would alternate writing their entries—he would write one day and she the next. The readings gave you a sense of the shape and direction of their marriage. At one particularly low point in their marriage, the husband was unfaithful to his wife. In other words, he had an affair. The wife was crushed. She felt betrayed and she poured out her anger in the pages of the journal. She was not only angry at her husband for breaking his vow to her, she said she was also angry at him because now, if she valued their marriage, if she valued him, then she was forced to struggle with forgiveness.
Poet John Dryden once wrote, “Forgiveness to the injured doth belong.” Forgiveness is the task of the one who is injured. It is work the VICTIM has to do. It is a gift from the one who was injured. It can’t be demanded. It can’t be forced. If it is, it becomes nothing but cheap grace. Forgiveness is a process. The healing takes time. Rebuilding trust takes time. Forgiveness DOES require a struggle, a struggle that Jesus tells us we need to do on for our own good and the good of others.
Why forgive? Why go thru the struggle? Why not just withdraw? Why not just pack up my tent and go away?
Forgiveness is necessary because our very freedom is at stake. One of my favorite quotes is said to come from Abraham Lincoln. He said, “You can’t hold a person down without sitting on their chest.” In other words when we hold a person down, we are not free because so much of our energy is involved in keeping them down. We are not free to spend our energy on other things. When we keep the fires of anger burning, when we nurse a grudge or hold onto bitterness, we are maintaining a connection to the offender. It’s a negative connection, to be sure, but our energy is involved and we are not free.
Also, If we cannot forgive, we separate ourselves from some other person, and in that separation we run the risk of separating and distancing ourselves from God too.
For example, I once was having a difficult time with one of my siblings. I was nursing my wounds and felt the need to keep my distance. I am not proud to say that I basically pulled back and built emotional walls around myself like a fortress. What I found was that not only was my relationship with my sister broken, but my relationship with God was affected too. I felt that God was distant from me, that God was no longer present. What I came to discover was that I had built my walls so high and so strong that even God couldn’t get thru them! God wasn’t distant… I was the one who had disappeared behind my fortress walls. Holding on to hurt affects our relationship to God.
Here’s a common piece of wisdom we’ve all heard before: “Forgive and forget” Is this a good piece of advice? Is it even humanly possible? God’s forgiveness is so complete that for God, our sins are as far from us as the east is from the west. God casts our sins into the deepest sea where they cannot be found, But how about us? Some say we should forgive the sinner, but not forget the lesson. Every event can be a chance for learning and growth. God can use even these broken pieces of our lives with each other to teach us and renew us. It’s not an easy process but we can emerge much better and more loving people.
I think what “forgive and forget” really means is that once you tell a person they are forgiven, once you have repaired a bridge, in order to rebuild trust and rebuild the relationship, you no longer have any right to use the incident as a weapon. You can’t bring it up and use it against the person the next time you have a disagreement. We can beat each other up dredging up our past mistakes. We lob our hurts and grudges at each other like little hand grenades—wounding each other all over again. Part of forgiving is giving up the temptation to tear someone down by bringing up the past.
Now—Are there any unforgivable sins? Are there any actions that are beyond the reach of forgiveness? Speaking optimistically I might say, NO, there are no unforgivable sins. But I am brought up short when I talk with women who have been abused as adults as victims of domestic violence or the victims of incest as children. Some counselors think that these sins just might be humanly impossible to forgive. For these women, a horrible sin has been committed against them. Trust is shattered and may not be repairable. Self-esteem is stolen. They live in fear. For them, withholding forgiveness is a way of protecting themselves. It is a wall of protection to keep them safe from further harm. The bricks of that wall can only be taken down by the person herself in her own time, when she feels safe enough and healed enough to lower the defenses. No one else can coerce or force the forgiveness.
To err is human—to forgive is Divine. This saying recognizes how much a part of our human nature it is to make mistakes and how difficult is the work of forgiveness. Perfect forgiveness and mercy is part of the nature of God.
To illustrate his point about forgiveness, Jesus tells a wild parable about a King who sits down to settle accounts with his slaves. He finds one vassal on his books with a debt of ten thousand talents. For those listening to Jesus, this would be an impossible debt! A talent of Gold weighed between 45-50 pounds. One talent was worth more than 15 years’ wages! This slave owed more than an Egyptian pharaoh! He owed more than the United States national debt! The situation is outlandish because he will NEVER be able to pay off this debt! And yet the slave begs for mercy—have patience with me and I will repay you everything. Never in his lifetime could he repay that!!! The king knows this—and the king does an astounding thing. He forgives the entire debt! It would be like the USA writing off all the money another nation owes. The slave can breathe easy again. He is set free to start anew! The king is set free and holds no ill-will toward his servant. How wonderful this all is!
But then the story turns dark. This same slave, fresh from the king’s chambers, with the words of forgiveness still ringing in his ears, runs across a fellow slave who owes him a measly 100 denarii—miniscule compared to the forgiven debt. He demands to be paid what is owed, and the second slave also pleads, “Have patience with me and I will repay you.” But in this second scene there is no mercy. The first slave throws the second into prison. This is shocking! You would think the first slave would have learned the lessons of mercy. That out of gratitude, he could extend mercy and a new beginning to his fellow. But that isn’t the case. The King himself is angered and throws the first slave into prison for the injustice he has shown his fellow.
God has forgiven us much, yet we too have trouble forgiving our fellow human beings. Many times once a person has a black mark against them it is never erased.
---Dave Zelinski--- Where is redemption???
We are Easter people, forgiven and restored—we too must follow our Heavenly king’s lead. We must work to restore others as valued members of society and forgiven children of God. Jesus came to seek and save those who were lost. Can we do any less. Jesus came to set the captives free—can we do any less?
Amazing Father, in your unbounded mercy forgive us our debts and grant us the grace to forgive our debtors as generously as you have forgiven us. In Jesus name. Amen.
Matt 18: 21-35
“Forgiveness—Don’t Do the Math”
A pastor was preparing to write a sermon about Love. He started by going to his files where he keeps all his little stories, jokes and famous quotes and searched for the “Love” file. He discovered he didn’t have one! Impossible!, he thought. It must be misfiled! He searched among Faith and Fasting, thumbed thru Healing and Heaven, and found nothing. Maybe it was sandwiched between some others. He looked in back of Kindergarten, and before Missions, but no Love folder.
Then the Holy Spirit sent him a flash of inspiration. Maybe Love wasn’t misfiled at all—maybe it was scattered. Sure enough, as he began to page thru his filing cabinet, he found parts of it filed under Patience, Kindness, Humility, trust, hope, loyalty, and perseverance. But the greatest part of the Love file was squarely planted in the middle of Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is probably the biggest, most complex topic that falls under the heading of Love. Like the word Love, Forgiveness is also a relational word. It implies that the relationship bridges are broken between 2 person, 2 families, or even two nations. It implies that a relationship needs mending.
It’s said that forgiveness is humanity’s deepest need and God’s highest achievement. That statement probably sums up the entire story of the Bible. From the very first book of the Bible, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and the wonderful relationship between God and His creatures was broken. The rest of the Bible deals with humanity’s longing to be reunited with God and the great lengths to which God will go to restore the relationship with humanity thru the death and resurrection of his Son Jesus Christ. God’s restored relationship with humanity is his ultimate concern and goal.
Because we are human, conflict is inevitable. It’s how we deal with it as Christians that sets us apart from the world. In the same way, because we are all individuals with unique desires, thoughts, and wills, we have the potential to hurt each other… sometimes unintentionally… sometimes thru an act of our own will. “Forgiveness” is the word we give to the bridge building that leads toward healing.
In the Gospel passage just before this one, Jesus outlined a process for repairing a broken relationship. No sooner had He finished speaking than Peter asks for clarification. He wants to know the limits of forgiveness; so he starts with the “what if’s”. He says, “Jesus, I hear what you’re saying about seeking restoration and repairing relationships, but what if I am the victim of someone else’s sin time and time again. Some people can just wear you down. How many times should I forgive before I give up, 7 times?????” Peter wants to know if there’s a statute of limitations on forgiveness. How much is enough?
Jesus’ answer is surprising, “Not 7 times, but seventy times seven!” An enormous number. In other words, Jesus is saying, don’t keep score! Don’t do the math! Be generous with forgiveness. Forgive as many times as necessary.
That’s easy to say when we’re talking about the little everyday frictions in our interactions with each other—the clothes left on the bathroom floor, the milk left out of the frig, the forgetting of an appointment—these are the things that are easy to forgive 70x7.
But for the big things—the things that cut us deeply—for the big things, what Jesus is asking is not so easy. Our natural instinct when we are pushed is to shove back. When we are hurt we want to get even—balance the scales of Justice—or at the very least we want to severe contact and have nothing more to do with the person. Being a victim of another’s actions is painful. We feel belittled, disgraced, used, betrayed, discounted, and violated. And yet Jesus tells us to work on restoring the relationship. Rebuild the bridge.
I once read a book written by a married couple. It was a journal of their years of marriage. They would alternate writing their entries—he would write one day and she the next. The readings gave you a sense of the shape and direction of their marriage. At one particularly low point in their marriage, the husband was unfaithful to his wife. In other words, he had an affair. The wife was crushed. She felt betrayed and she poured out her anger in the pages of the journal. She was not only angry at her husband for breaking his vow to her, she said she was also angry at him because now, if she valued their marriage, if she valued him, then she was forced to struggle with forgiveness.
Poet John Dryden once wrote, “Forgiveness to the injured doth belong.” Forgiveness is the task of the one who is injured. It is work the VICTIM has to do. It is a gift from the one who was injured. It can’t be demanded. It can’t be forced. If it is, it becomes nothing but cheap grace. Forgiveness is a process. The healing takes time. Rebuilding trust takes time. Forgiveness DOES require a struggle, a struggle that Jesus tells us we need to do on for our own good and the good of others.
Why forgive? Why go thru the struggle? Why not just withdraw? Why not just pack up my tent and go away?
Forgiveness is necessary because our very freedom is at stake. One of my favorite quotes is said to come from Abraham Lincoln. He said, “You can’t hold a person down without sitting on their chest.” In other words when we hold a person down, we are not free because so much of our energy is involved in keeping them down. We are not free to spend our energy on other things. When we keep the fires of anger burning, when we nurse a grudge or hold onto bitterness, we are maintaining a connection to the offender. It’s a negative connection, to be sure, but our energy is involved and we are not free.
Also, If we cannot forgive, we separate ourselves from some other person, and in that separation we run the risk of separating and distancing ourselves from God too.
For example, I once was having a difficult time with one of my siblings. I was nursing my wounds and felt the need to keep my distance. I am not proud to say that I basically pulled back and built emotional walls around myself like a fortress. What I found was that not only was my relationship with my sister broken, but my relationship with God was affected too. I felt that God was distant from me, that God was no longer present. What I came to discover was that I had built my walls so high and so strong that even God couldn’t get thru them! God wasn’t distant… I was the one who had disappeared behind my fortress walls. Holding on to hurt affects our relationship to God.
Here’s a common piece of wisdom we’ve all heard before: “Forgive and forget” Is this a good piece of advice? Is it even humanly possible? God’s forgiveness is so complete that for God, our sins are as far from us as the east is from the west. God casts our sins into the deepest sea where they cannot be found, But how about us? Some say we should forgive the sinner, but not forget the lesson. Every event can be a chance for learning and growth. God can use even these broken pieces of our lives with each other to teach us and renew us. It’s not an easy process but we can emerge much better and more loving people.
I think what “forgive and forget” really means is that once you tell a person they are forgiven, once you have repaired a bridge, in order to rebuild trust and rebuild the relationship, you no longer have any right to use the incident as a weapon. You can’t bring it up and use it against the person the next time you have a disagreement. We can beat each other up dredging up our past mistakes. We lob our hurts and grudges at each other like little hand grenades—wounding each other all over again. Part of forgiving is giving up the temptation to tear someone down by bringing up the past.
Now—Are there any unforgivable sins? Are there any actions that are beyond the reach of forgiveness? Speaking optimistically I might say, NO, there are no unforgivable sins. But I am brought up short when I talk with women who have been abused as adults as victims of domestic violence or the victims of incest as children. Some counselors think that these sins just might be humanly impossible to forgive. For these women, a horrible sin has been committed against them. Trust is shattered and may not be repairable. Self-esteem is stolen. They live in fear. For them, withholding forgiveness is a way of protecting themselves. It is a wall of protection to keep them safe from further harm. The bricks of that wall can only be taken down by the person herself in her own time, when she feels safe enough and healed enough to lower the defenses. No one else can coerce or force the forgiveness.
To err is human—to forgive is Divine. This saying recognizes how much a part of our human nature it is to make mistakes and how difficult is the work of forgiveness. Perfect forgiveness and mercy is part of the nature of God.
To illustrate his point about forgiveness, Jesus tells a wild parable about a King who sits down to settle accounts with his slaves. He finds one vassal on his books with a debt of ten thousand talents. For those listening to Jesus, this would be an impossible debt! A talent of Gold weighed between 45-50 pounds. One talent was worth more than 15 years’ wages! This slave owed more than an Egyptian pharaoh! He owed more than the United States national debt! The situation is outlandish because he will NEVER be able to pay off this debt! And yet the slave begs for mercy—have patience with me and I will repay you everything. Never in his lifetime could he repay that!!! The king knows this—and the king does an astounding thing. He forgives the entire debt! It would be like the USA writing off all the money another nation owes. The slave can breathe easy again. He is set free to start anew! The king is set free and holds no ill-will toward his servant. How wonderful this all is!
But then the story turns dark. This same slave, fresh from the king’s chambers, with the words of forgiveness still ringing in his ears, runs across a fellow slave who owes him a measly 100 denarii—miniscule compared to the forgiven debt. He demands to be paid what is owed, and the second slave also pleads, “Have patience with me and I will repay you.” But in this second scene there is no mercy. The first slave throws the second into prison. This is shocking! You would think the first slave would have learned the lessons of mercy. That out of gratitude, he could extend mercy and a new beginning to his fellow. But that isn’t the case. The King himself is angered and throws the first slave into prison for the injustice he has shown his fellow.
God has forgiven us much, yet we too have trouble forgiving our fellow human beings. Many times once a person has a black mark against them it is never erased.
---Dave Zelinski--- Where is redemption???
We are Easter people, forgiven and restored—we too must follow our Heavenly king’s lead. We must work to restore others as valued members of society and forgiven children of God. Jesus came to seek and save those who were lost. Can we do any less. Jesus came to set the captives free—can we do any less?
Amazing Father, in your unbounded mercy forgive us our debts and grant us the grace to forgive our debtors as generously as you have forgiven us. In Jesus name. Amen.
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